21 days to form a habit.
I’ve been thinking about starting a blog for ages. I just keep waiting. Waiting to think up the perfect name. Waiting to compose the perfect post, waiting for things to be just so.
I get this idea in my head of how things should be and stick to it.
I used to be really rigid about my workout schedule. Wake up at 5am, gym by 5:30, home and showering for 6:45, work for 8am. I pre-cooked every. single. meal. I ate all my meals from ziplock containers. Egg whites, 1 slice toast, sautéed veggies; cut raw veggies and a turkey meat ball; baked sweet potato grilled chicken, leafy greens; more grilled chicken and sautéed veggies; protein shake. Every single day. Well, most days that’s for sure. I looked great. I felt strong. I was proud of my muscles. I was proud of how far I could push my body. I admired my muscles in the mirror at the gym. I did my reps with heavier weights than the man next to me with pride. I was unstoppable.
Then, I moved. I changed jobs. I got stressed. I couldn’t find a gym that was convenient to go to. I stopped pre cooking all my food – too stressed, too tired. I stopped eating as healthily as I was accustomed to. My body grew softer. My curves curvier. My muscles less pronounced. My stomach more pronounced.
I spend a lot of time now feeling guilty. Guilty for not eating as well as I should, guilty for not working out as much as I should, guilty for wasting all the effort I put in for those years. Then, I feel guilty about feeling guilty. Guilty for having low self esteem, guilty for hating my body that has served me so well, guilty for my rigidity that has stopped me from adapting to my new life.
This blog will be about me learning to be flexible. To embrace health and fitness with abandon but while giving myself a mental break. Learning how to fit fitness into my life again. Learning to adapt. They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit, and I’m starting today.