Thinking positive thoughts.

You guys, thinking positively is harder than I thought.

I mean, I am really good at having negative sarcasm laden self deprecating thoughts. Really. Good. You’d probably be jealous of how good I am. It’s a hidden talent that I didn’t realize I had. I knew that I’ve been focussing on the negative lately, but I didn’t know how much.

“You look beautiful today” says my hunky husband. It’s 7am, I’m getting dressed for work, makeup done, nice dress on and working on getting my hair to behave. The thing is, the dress is sort of ‘pencil skirt’ style, and I honestly find those things a pain-in-the-ass to walk around in, so I have it janked up to my waist. Janked is a word, just ask any woman who regularly wears pencil skirts and values her leg mobility. Anyway, the first thing I do is dismiss what he is saying to make fun of myself and my ample ass hanging out in that dress.

Whomp whomp whomp….

He meant it as a real compliment, and I knew I was lookin’ cute, but I immediately cast his compliment aside rather than offer a simple thank you.

Fast forward a day or so, and it’s me, my kobo (I’m reading Orange is the New Black after becoming addicted to the Netflix series) and an iced latte in a sunny sunny park on my lunch break. It is just such a perfect afternoon. Except for one thing… I’m surrounded by a ton of similarly minded people and all of their cigarettes. Gross. Disgusting. My hair and clothes will surely stink when I leave here. Why must all of these people smoke? Don’t they know about lung cancer/mouth cancer and the wrinkles (not to mention the STENCH)? Hmmmmmppphhhh I huff. I consider moving. I consider complaining on Facebook. But- I’ve committed to 21 days of positive thinking so I chose to make the best of it. The day was beautiful, the sun was shining, I had an un-interrupted hour with a great book, and these people are enjoying the same thing (albeit with cigarettes). I took a deep errr shallow breath, turned my face to the sun and read my book.

I’m sitting on the train on my way to work, dreading the day ahead for no good reason. I don’t have a deadline, no meetings that I don’t want to attend, just a regular work day, but I am dreading it just due to the fact that I just really want to stay home. I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. I need a break. So, I harness this thought and try to re-direct my thoughts by saying (in my head of course) “Today is going to be awesome. Today is going to be awesome. Today is going to be awesome.” The absurdity of thinking like this kinda made me smile inside and on the outside too, and I tried to finish the rest of my commute as if I was really excited for the day. And you know what: it kind of worked.

20130813-203313.jpg (source)

21 days of re-directing negative thinking is harder than I thought it would be. I am good at stopping those pesky negative thoughts in their tracks, but not quite so skilled at replacing them with positive ones. It is surprising to me to discover just what a Debbie Downer I’ve become lately, and that is something that I’m going to keep plugging away at- even after the 21 days is up.


What do you do to keep positive?


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